


I'm Still Here

by idontneedmemories



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Other, Suicide, i love atsumu, im sorry, please don't burn me at the stake, this just came to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontneedmemories/pseuds/idontneedmemories
Summary: The Miya twins fought.It wasn’t the worst fight they ever had. They just jabbed at each other; gave the small insults they usually give.It should have been nothing… but this small fight started the cascade of the greatest tragedy of their lives.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 112





	1. Chapter 1

_The Miya twins fought._

It wasn’t the worst fight they ever had. They just jabbed at each other; gave the small insults they usually give each other.

“You eat too much! Just a little more and you’ll be as big as a mountain!”

“Your personality sucks! That’s why nobody likes you! That’s why I'm the better twin!”

It should have been nothing… but this small fight started the cascade of the greatest tragedy of their lives.

_It finally took a toll on Atsumu._

\---

‘Even my brother doesn’t want me.’

The first sign. Posted on an inconspicuous account with no followers and no one followed. It had a volleyball as a display picture and the court as a cover photo. No one knew who it was.

‘Well, at least I still have my boyfriend.’

\---

And then the following day, Atsumu had a fight with Sakusa. Eager to prove Osamu wrong, he pushes the Sakusa the wrong way and they end up having a cool off.

‘well… i guess i was mistaken’

‘i still have volleyball tho'

The second sign.

\---

The next day, Atsumu shows up to practice with swollen eyes and a large bag underneath it.

‘maybe nobody really likes me’

‘i must be the worst kind of person you’d ever meet’

‘if i were somebody else, i wouldnt want to meet myself too’

The third sign.

_And the signs that soon followed._

\---

Next day, Atsumu shows up completely silent. He doesn’t speak. He didn’t make any jabs at anyone or make any comments. When someone asks him anything, he stares at them silently until they stop asking.

‘this is nice’

‘first time i ever went through the day without hearing a comment about being an asshole or being the awful twin’

\---

Next day, he kept his back slouched. His perfect posture completely gone as was his great confidence. He seemed smaller than he is; the usual big presence.

‘first time everyone pays attention to me without having to say a word’

‘this is great'

\---

Next day, he doesn’t meet anyone in the eyes. He kept his head low on the ground. He missed a few tosses and got reprimanded but he didn’t say a word. In the end, he got benched.

‘this is fine’

‘this is just today’

‘coach will put me back on the court’

\---

Except the next day, he still missed tosses and got benched for the second time. That day, he came and left like the wind. By the time practice was over, he was gone. He didn’t even stay behind for extra practices.

‘guess i dont have volleyball either’

‘at least people actually looked concerned for me’

‘i don’t ever get those looks before’

In the span of one month, Atsumu has been reduced to sitting on the bench most of the time in the national teams. 

\---

He was shocked when he suddenly saw a pair of neon-colored shoes, like the Itachiyama uniform, that he gave Sakusa as a joke.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Sakusa!” 

Atsumu’s voice finally was heard and raised after a long time, but it still wasn’t the usual. It was still quieter. A lot lifeless. And a lot distant. 

Sakusa almost flinched at the name he was called. Because Atsumu never called him that. It was always “Omi-kun” or “Omi Omi” or all the other nicknames he hated but secretly loved.

“It’s nothing! I’m totally fine!”

That night, Atsumu happily cradled his phone as he typed out his new posts.

‘i did it!’

‘i got someone to care for me!’

‘he actually spoke to me!’

That whole week, Atsumu regained a little light in his eyes. He spoke more. He slouched less. 

_But still, it wasn’t the same._

_\---_

The national team was given a one week break two months before the volleyball season started. Saturday night, he went home to Hyogo because their grandma called for them. He met Osamu again after a long while. He never called or texted him after that small fight. He never went to Onigiri Miya either.

“What’s wrong with you?” Osamu asked him when they finally saw each other. He had heard from Akaashi and Bokuto that Atsumu was acting strangely for a while now.

“Nothing!” Atsumu giddily said.

In fact, he was ecstatic!

It seemed to him that the changes he had prompted the people around him to like him more. He felt that they actually care for him now.

‘This is the greatest thing that happened to me!’

‘Who knew things were this easy?’

‘I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time!’

He became brighter than he was the past month. 

_Brighter, but still not the usual._

\---

Of course, the closest people in his life would notice. Of course, his twin would notice.

But by the end of the week, Osamu had pulled him into a shed and slammed him into the wall.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

The only thought he had was “oh.” Not a sudden realization. It was just like a small click.

Small, but enough to ruin him.

\---

The following day, they take their separate ways back to their separate homes in Tokyo.

‘guess i was mistaken about everything’

‘i guess they dont hate my personality’

‘just me’

‘they just hate **me** ’

And then…

_Atsumu never sees the light of the day again._


	2. Chapter 2

Osamu gripped Atsumu’s phone tightly as he read the posts.

It’s been a year since that great tragedy. It was the first time he opened the phone and his first time discovering that his brother had posted about everything before _it_ happened.

He carried the phone everywhere, as a reminder of his twin. He always charged it but he kept the system shut, and the moment it opened sent a blast of countless notifications he didn’t know where from. Osamu opened the phone. The password had been their birthday and Atsumu never changed his passwords no matter how many times he changed phones.

_And then he saw it._

He saw Atsumu's pleads for help. The signs that nobody saw.

Apparently, it garnered attention when the posts stopped. They got worried that something might have happened to the owner of the account. A lot of support came from anonymous people and flooded his messages.

Osamu felt empty staring at the messages. It had been late, but these people were able to voice out their support. Something that he hadn’t done to his twin. His dead twin.

With trembling hands, he raised the phone and opened the camera. He entered a trance the moment he took a look at his surroundings. He spent a good few seconds staring at nothing before he took a picture.

He posted it. Under Atsumu’s account.

‘I’m still here.’

The moment the post was up, comments started flooding in. A small smile graced his lips before he stood up and closed the phone.

Because Atsumu’s dreams are still not dead.

Osamu is now standing on the court, wearing a red jersey with a number 11, the jersey his brother used to wear, as a setter.

_Atsumu’s still not dead._

Osamu handles Onigiri Miya and being the setter of the national team at the same time.

Living the dreams of both the Miya twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was crying as I was writing this.
> 
> I hope you guys cried too because that was the plan.
> 
> In no ways do I support suicide.
> 
> Stay alive guys.
> 
> If you want me to sing "Stayin' Alive" by Bee Gees for you, I'd do it.


End file.
